Mind is fickle and Gurbaani describes its state very clearly:
ਕਹੈ ਕਬੀਰੁ ਸੁਨਹੁ ਰੇ ਸੰਤਹੁ ਇਹੁ ਮਨੁ ਉਡਨ ਪੰਖੇਰੂ ਬਨ ਕਾ ॥੨॥੧॥੯॥
(Says Kabeer, listen, O Saints: this mind is like the bird, flying above the forest.)
And I am no exception; I am a person whose mind wanders in all direction. I was always seduced by uncertainty and tried to give it words; but after some time they all became so predictable to remain as challenge. Also, writing about them lacked the total devotion since efforts were focused only to get appreciation of world. I restricted it to mind and could not involve heart. And then I started losing interest in all of them. This led me to poem writing, as I could not keep myself away from a pen. I started writing poems based on my experience and gave my best to depict different aspects of life. But soon they became monotonous as suggested by many, like a man fighting against his circumstances based on his faith. They suggested me to write more colorful stuff depicting youth since that would match my age.
But I begin to realize, from wherever I started writing, whatever path I took, I was always hitting a dead end and I could not progress further. What I failed to comprehend they all were merging at one point. This could not be merely coincidence every time. There had to be some explanation behind it. And then I observed, no matter what ever was the explanation and from wherever it was rising, it was also vanishing at same point. It cannot be blind faith since even rational thought process of mine was doing the same. And I found no other than Dhan Shri Guru Gobind Singh Ji as that convergence point. So, there was only one refuge for me. Who other than Dhan Shri Guru Gobind Singh Ji? HE always kept me focused by challenging me to write about Him. The challenge was healthy asking me:
‘Show Me if you can do that.’
Perhaps some goodness in me always made me to bow down to Him asking:
‘How can You expect me to do anything without Your grace and willingness? Datar Pita (Father and Great Giver) with all due respect I am nothing, if You have thrown challenge; only You can help me to resolve it.’
I was determined to write and always did ‘Ardas, Prayer’ seeking for His blessings to write something about ‘Who’ people with devotion and affection call ‘Dhan Shri Guru Gobind Singh Ji’. His grace helped me opening my heart for Him. So whatever He decides for me I will accept it; if it is HELL for me then I am ready for hell. As per His will I am willing to burn in hell for whole eternity. I would love to see if the fire of hell is capable of burning the desire of mine being in love with Dhan Shri Guru Gobind Singh Ji. I am sure even if it is the hottest thing; it cannot burn the ‘Nectar’ which Dhan Shri Guru Gobind Singh Ji showers as grace. But again, why He will throw anyone in Hell?
ਅਉਖੀ ਘੜੀ ਨ ਦੇਖਣ ਦੇਈ ਅਪਨਾ ਬਿਰਦੁ ਸਮਾਲੇ ॥ ਹਾਥ ਦੇਇ ਰਾਖੈ ਅਪਨੇ ਕਉ ਸਾਸਿ ਸਾਸਿ ਪ੍ਰਤਿਪਾਲੇ ॥੧॥
(He does not let His devotees see the difficult times; this is His innate nature. Giving His hand, He protects His devotee; with each and every breath, He cherishes him.)
I may be criticized for my work for having pitfalls, people may condemn me for being unworthy and attempting it. They may react by saying I have failed miserably. Well yes, I am lowest than all but still my heart beats for Him. I have only following to say:
‘तेरी चाह में अगर हो गए बर्बाद, तो मुझ से बढकर ना होगा कोई आबाद |’
(In Your love even if I am ruined, Even then I will be the ‘Blessed One’.)
I may be threatened but I don’t care. I will write about Him no matter what. I may be called as ‘sinner’. If to write about Dhan Shri Guru Gobind Singh Ji is a ‘sin’ I am willing to commit it again and again in every life of mine after this. I won’t repent it. People do all the things forbidden in Gurbaani and boast about them. They are not ashamed but they consider it as matter of pride. Why, because their worldly logic matches with it. So why should I who has selected ‘The Best Option’ among all. No one can stop me from writing about Him. I bow down to Dhan Shri Guru Gobind Singh Ji and seek for His blessings.